Return to the Motherland

Yay for Friends!

2005-06-01T11:56:00.000-05:00

My birthday this year was an absolute blast - one of the best i've ever had in my life. And why wouldn't it be? With the friends i have around me in this alarmingly familiar country, i could fall face first in a pile of shit with glass in it and still feel loved. (Hey, don't you know...? ;p)

T planned it. Well, was planning it until she got busy. So she pawned my party off to Trudy. Yes, a.Lo's bday plans were PAWNED. to TRUDY. Secretly...argh. But whatever, just cuz trudy has never come through before (well, T's bday worked out actually!), doesn't mean that she wouldn't plan mine. Right?

Let's say i had given up on the entire thing after i checked on trudy's progress saturday afternoon. She said she'd forgotten to call 5 people (out of 10) and where i had requested we eat somewhere original, exotic and special (so we would all have a new experience), she sms's me with "Meet at 6. Shanghai Noodlz, k?" Like, c'mon.

AND...Jason and Tina, the NIGHT BEFORE, tell me they have a school dinner/meeting they have to go to that Etta sprung on them last freakin minute. To meet the stupid new staff. Who are annoying anyways apparently. GAWD. This party was not lookin good...I'm goin into the party expecting 3 people and me, sitting in a dirty green colored booth waiting for shanghai noodlz, washing our utensils in the complimentary tea. But i had already got rid of all my big expectations, so i was actually okay with it. We were all gonna meet up after right?

EVERYONE IS AT TRUDY'S PLACE WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR!

Huge banner. Happy Birthday Alvin, complete with pics of vballs, shits and est. 1981...ridiculous!!!

Huge feast. The girls cooked like, 7 different dishes and had it laid all out. The boys watched television.

And the best thing?

Tina and Jay were there, waiting. Yah, "dinner at the Mandarin Oriental, ooo the food is gonna be so good!" was just something they decided to throw in. cuz the fuckin knew it would piss me off :D

It was quite overwhelming...no one's ever really planned anything big for me before, much less a great surprise party like this so i was quite moved. The planner has become the...birthday boy! But what was even crazier...was the gift. They all chipped in and got me a freakin IPOD MINI. Yeah. Nuff said. Okay, say it again: iPod Mini!

Needless to say, i'm speechless, staring at a half unwrapped iPod Mini in my hand, and they ask for...a speech! Well i gave them the best i could but a.Lo the little girl (she went away for such a long time!) got all emotional and choked up...so my speech ended up something like: "Thank you. No one's ever wait i can't i'm sorry thanks you guys are great where's the bathroom there's something in my..."

But i wrote them a better one (although still mushy) afterwards. They know how i feel about them. Love them!!!!!!

That night we went to Volar, and it was the bomb!!!!!! Surprisingly. But it's never the bar you go to that decides your night. It's the company you're with. And that night, everyone was on the same page - the fun page!!!! No one turned down a drink, everyone bought rounds, and everyone drank rounds we didn't need to buy!!!! When the people you love show you they love you too, it's a great feeling. When it's everyone laughing, talking, dancing and loving all together, all at the same time? It's what life is all about.

Thanks for a great birthday i'll never forget. You guys mean more to me than i can ever show.

Ridiculous!!!!!!!!

Yo! This is the remix...

2005-04-29T00:28:00.000-05:00

so in a world of mixes, remixes and re-remixes, do you ever come across that one version of a song that's just like WHOA...waddup with THAT...for example:

1) Obssessed with a slow jam by David Tao (taiwan pop, just shut up okay?) enough to begin writing english lyrics to it...the came across the "real" version of the song...you can't even call it "real" music, in my opinion. Think Taiwan slow song...but polka. POLKA.

2) "Eye of the Tiger"...but with Eminem (?)...and then...SHAGGY.

3) Notorious BIG...then 50 Cent's "Candy Shop" lyrics...to some crazy Ying Yang Twins beat "Wait"...where the chorus is: "Hey bitch wait till you see my dick...wait till you see my dick....Hey bitch wait till you see my dick...wait till you see my dick...i'ma beat that pussy up...like bam bam bam bam bam bam bam i'ma beat that pussy up...like bam bam bam bam bam bam bam...beat tha pussy up beat tha pussy up...beat tha pussy up beat tha pussy up...i'ma beat that pussy up..."

And he's WHISPERING the entire time.

Don't even ask about the verses.

Longing for the days gone by of "Bye Bye Bye" and "Quit Playin Games"...where the only thing you're beating up is your own teeny bopper heart over the girl of your dreams this week.

Hey dj spin that shit.

The other side of this coin...

2005-04-27T11:37:00.000-05:00

Got this from my sis' page...I think I like it because this entire trip has made me really analyze my life and myself...I believe I am the most self-aware I've ever been my entire life, but here's a curious thing: although an experience like this is suppose to build confidence and increase the positive things in your life, I focus on my negative traits more and more...somehow they are emphasized and it can make you wonder about who you thought you were and where, between all the good and bad things that make up your personality, the real you is precariously balanced.

Looking for my seeds....

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them!

Blessings to all my crackpot friends.

-Anonymous

Maybe this story can make someone feel better because no matter how many of those days you sit and beat yourself up for things already said and done, for thoughts you have that you know no one else could ever think, for the nagging doubts about who you were, what you've changed into and where you're heading it gives hope that all the bad things you worry about somehow have silver linings and that in the end you do balance out, precariously, as a good person.

BALI!!!!!

2005-04-19T03:23:00.000-05:00

okay okay, so i'm finally updating...

JEEEEEEZ where to start...

so i went to bali...with JW, James and our girl Vivian...okay james thinks she's his girl, but whatever...it was pretty sweet, surfed for the first time, got sunburnt like i've never been sunburnt before...drank more beer than any other form of liquid the entire trip...enjoyed a nice hotel with shit service (Bali Hilton, but no Paris...)...but they did have wicked breakfasts...and got to the next level in my relationship with jwong, not only sharing a sweet hotel room with a sexy little balconey, but rubbing that cool, refreshing aloe on eachother's backs to help our extremely painful burns... Tender moments, i tell ya.

HOWEVER, the best part of the trip had nothing to do with the beautiful sunsets on the beach, extraordinary sunrises from the top of a simmering volcano, hikes up a huge ass mountain (it was actually really great), or even james' lesbian girlfriend hitting on 18 yo indonesian chicks. The best (and i guess worse...) part of the trip came....as we were leaving. Here's the story:

We left bali on a flight to transfer at jakarta, from which we would head into hong kong. 1 hr after boarding our connecting flight to hong kong we were...still at the airport. hadn't even pulled out. As everyone on the plane started getting more and more restless, the attendants retreated further and further back into the back of the cabin...not giving us any explanation to why we still hadn't left - the only comment the captain made, after this entire time, was that we were experiencing "technical difficulties" and would be flying soon. Instead, he came back on and told everyone to get off the plane so they could fix the engine. Promised a free lunch and told to come back in two hours, we took all our carryons and exited the plane.

Lunch was crap.

Two hours later we get back to the gate to find a million people clustered around one very nervous looking flight official. Apparently, we were not going to fly that day as the plane "could not be fixed at this time", and we would be provided accomodations for the evening. Tomorrow morning, we would all fly out together at the original time. Problem - jwong had to catch a flight to shanghai EARLY next morning, from HONG KONG.

The next hour was absolute chaos.

Jwong, with a hundred other people, were positioned at customer service trying to get some sort of answer/plan to fly back to hk that night through other countries. James and viv, fed up with how little the airline was helping and how many answers they DIDN'T have, went counter to counter, looking for flights on their own - apparently, the airline had stalled long enough that all the flights from other airlines out of jakarta to hong kong had pretty much left already (probalby so they could keep us on their airline without having to reimburse anyone for other flights to hong kong). And i was asking other clueless officials what would happen with the hotel if people wanted to get there later on - you see they decided to send the bus off to the hotel, WHILE HALF THE PLANE WAS STILL AT THE AIRPORT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THEY COULD GO HOME. Dumbasses. Anyways.

Somehow, viv and james got us all on a flight to hong kong on cathay pacific, paid for by the original airline. However, they called us and needed us at the check-in STAT, and the counter....yep, at the other end of the airport. The race was on. carrying jwong's bags and my own cuz jay still had to collect his passport from the retards at customs, i grabbed a cart from a cart-collecting dude and booked it through the airport. jwong luckily got his passport quickly and was right on my heels. We probably ran a good 200-300 meters. At the check-in, we got confirmed for the flight and they told us here is your gate, go that way - ps, you have 20 minutes before the gate closes. RUN!

We ran.

Luckily people saw us in a rush and radioed ahead to the plane to wait for us..and actually, we weren't even the last ones on. A few other people who were stranded with us made it on the fllight too, good for them. And good for viv, i must say. Don't know what she did, but we owe that flight to her.

SOOOOOO...now that we were allllll stressed out and tired as hell...me and jwong decide to chill, chat and watch a movie. Separated from james and viv, we decide to go pay them a visit...and find them in their seats in a drunken stupor. They had been drinking like fish - 4 glasses of wine before we had even said hi to them. 4 glasses EACH. As soon as we got there, he DINGed the stewardess...and the party began. Chugging wine while standing in the aisle of a plane full of people glaring at you...is fun. We chugged (seriously, chugged) 4 more glasses of wine in about 5 minutes. Pretty much as fast as the stewardesses could bring it, we were drinking it. We were drunk in ten minutes.

Now we're loud and obnoxious and as we like to say, "THOSE people". you know, the rowdy, unruly, drunk passengers that no one likes. Yep. And proud of it. Needless to say, they stopped serving us (well, james) so what did james do? he went to the back of the plane HIMSELF, to get the damn liquor. His reason for all the alchohol? I go back there on jwong's suggestion to "bail him out" and i find him telling the attendants that jwong and i have decided to get married and we were trying to celebrate. no joke.

Well we could only squeeze 4 more beers out of them so we took them and went back to mine and j's seats - and the party continued. Viv was back at her seat passed out, literally.

At one point, jwong couldn't feel his hands and james sat there flicking them. i am not exaggerating at all. Finally james pretty much crawls back to his seat, and i'm left with 4 beers (haven't be touched) and we were descending. So, always careful not to be wasteful, i chug 3 of them before we land...and finally give the last to the attendant telling her "i can't drink anymore". Her response? a haughty little "you guys drank WAY too much". Yeah, yeah lady, just throw the trash out, k?

Plane has landed, everyone is off the plane...except for the four of us and a crew of not-so-impressed flight attendants. Waiting for...Viv. This is where the story gets REALLY interesting. Viv apparently has vomited. No no... she didn't make it to the bathroom.

She vomited on the wall under the window, her seat and the floor under the seat in front of her. Oh, james, her protector and savior? He vomited on his hand and wiped it on his seat. Classy AND funny, at the same time!!!! We pretty much tried to run out of the plane (because the stewardesses didn't know they vomited yet) HOWEVER...at the suggestion of a stewardess, jwong decided that viv should accept the airline's generous offer of...a wheelchair. A WHEELCHAIR. And you know what? She tried to say she didn't neeeeed one. now THAT'S funny.
Pictures are worth a thousand words. Here is the rest of the story, from exiting the plane to heading home in the taxi.

....g'nite.

Someone let me off...

2005-03-12T07:08:00.000-05:00

Back! From....nowhere. Actually, these last two months have been absolutely crazy. From Shawna being here, to Jay Gaddi and Jonny Lee coming in the day Shawna left, to Dennis Kim coming in two weeks later, my life recently has been what free falling from an airplane must feel like. Part panic, part dizzy, part out of control - yet exhilarating, refreshing and a whole lotta fun. In a nutshell, here it is:

Shawna came, made some money, saw some chinese people and bought some shoes. Okay it was a little more than that - a lot more - and i'm really glad she came. She showed me many things, ie how bad my english has gotten and how ugly my hair is. But she also showed me that i miss home more than i realize and that i can't wait to be back!

The Week of Jay Gaddi and Jonny Lee (called Chinese New Years by other people) was just ridiculous. As Jonny said in his mass email, it's impossible to put into words the experience we had, so it's no use trying. It was amazing and i wouldn't change anything about it - thanks to all the cats that were part of it and partied with us and made Jay and Jon's trip memorable - JW, P&P, Tina, Tkot, Trudy, Nia, Mary and Kat. No joke, I needed two weeks to recover...

Which was when Dennis came. This week wasn't as hardcore as Chinese New Years, but it was fun for different reasons. The party scene wasn't as bumpin, but just seeing one of my oldest boys' made it worth it. Massages in China, bottles and bottles of liquor, japanese girls and taiwan ladies - we found ourselves a real good time. And because he's Dennis, most of his time in HK (while normal people are sleeping) was spent playing online poker. Before he went to Macau to gamble - by himself. Yeaaaa. Cool.

Now it is a few days after he's gone off to catch bird flu from them viet chickens, and things look like they can return to normal a little bit. How normal? Well, in Hong Kong, things don't usually stay too relaxed for too long. But for now, i am pulling on this damn ripcord and smiling all the way until my feet touch down.

See ya on the next jump.

a.Lo

a.Lo is f.Ob

2005-01-27T01:17:00.000-05:00

sooooooooooooo....

some crazy weather goin on over here...everyone is suited up in winter jackets and sweaters...i myself had to purchase a scarf the other day because i caught a cold...although it has warmed up just the past few days, the last couple of weeks have been c-c-cold....guys, i'm talkin like 3 degrees on new years eve (unheard of!) and like, 8 degress last week!!!! now it's back up to 13 or 14 or something...whew...now i can get away with a windbreaker over my sweater and scarf. btw, that's all in celsius. Weak, eh?

this is just one of the many signs evident in my life to show me (and anyone who knows me) how honger-fied i have become. 10 degrees outside? too cold, can't get out of bed. coughing, slight sore throat? face mask to work. typing entries into a weblog? grammar/speling check. (anyone catch that? haha so funny i fink la)

long hair, mp3 player in my ears, laptop over my shoulder, sleeping on the subway to/from work...who is this guy? "Sometimes i look in the mirror and don't know what i've become..." k, i don't know what movie that's from, but it sounds like it must be from somewhere, right?

case in point: Shawna has come to HK to visit for three weeks (part of the reason why i've been so busy), and i haven't seen her for 7 months. Days 1-4, she couldn't stop laughing at my hair. Days 1-8, she's laughed at my english. Days 2, 5 and 6 she's said "What?", in answer to me speaking to her in cantonese without realizing. And then she'd laugh at me again. stoopid canadian.

anyways so she is here for 2 more weeks, at which time my boys jon lee and jay gaddi will also be arriving to experience the a.Lo in HK...experience.

time to add a thesaurus to the speling/grammar thing. DIEW!

woh ping.

(10 hong kong dollars for anyone who can figure out what that means...)

There's no OHIP in Asia...

2005-01-04T00:48:00.000-05:00

so i've been sick now for about two weeks. which sucks because i was only healthy for about a week before that, and i was sick for about 1 week before THAT. got it? IOW, i've been sick for oh...all of december. And so far, all of 2005. The problem is, the med system here is based not on how healthy they can get you but rather how many drugs they can sell you without killing you.

This is how it works:

Patient: Doctor i'm sick.

Doctor: What?

P: Doctor i'm sick...la.

D: Ohhhh. Cough? Fever? Runny nose? Double vision? Stomach aches? blindness? etc (without getting up from his desk)

P: Yes, yes, yes, no, yes, no, etc...(without getting up from the chair)

D: Yeah yeah yeah whatever take this for your nose, this for your throat, this for your head, this for your stomach, this for your leg and this for your liver. That'll be one hundred dollars please, pay the secretary on the way out thank you bye bye la.

A month and a half later...you're still coughing like a smoker in the iron man and all the kids you teach walk into your class healthy and strong but walk out with runny noses and sore throats. You hide in the staffroom as parents ask the secretary for refunds.

Thanks doctor. La.

Funny shit...

2005-01-03T09:36:00.000-05:00

...this is jokes, but not for the faint of heart...but if you don't read it, you're a pussy. ;p

Great Story

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.

Happy New Years

2005-01-02T10:57:00.000-05:00

New Years here was pretty good. The streets in all the major areas (TST, Lan Kwai Fong and Times Square) all get cut off and they put up barriers to lead the flow of people in only one direction. Apparently they started doing this because a few years ago there was a huge stampede of people and a few people got killed in the crowd. Stepped on and stuff. That's what happens when half the population of Hong Kong is squashed into a block or two, somebody panics.

Back at the same old faithful club, the party was aight and the company was good. Some heavy and fun pre-drinking got us off to a good start, and after-bar cheese dogs capped it all off. Even if they WERE boiled. They don't taste this good during the day...

Me and JW. Happy New Years!

The Holidays...

2005-01-01T14:21:00.000-05:00

So this page is actually about 6 months late, considering i've been overseas for more than half a year now, but i figure better late than never.

Christmas weekend for me was actually spent in Shanghai with a buddy who has a nice condo there. The weekend itself was a weekend to remember, but by no means was it a perfect trip. Stepping out of the airport on christmas eve, i found myself lost in shanghai for 2 hrs, unable to find my friends who were already in the club. Apparently, they told me the wrong name in mandarin to tell the cab driver and i ended up in a whole other city. Don't worry tho, once i made it to the club, there were more than enough drinks and "new faces" to make up for the lost time...

On Sunday night, my friend's gf got her purse pick-pocketed with me standing on her left and her bf standing on her right. We didn't even know until we got home that night. Losing her id and visa, she was detained at the airport the next day and couldn't make it back to HK on her flight. China is HUGE for theft of this sorts, so much that many of the poor country side people come into the city and live off pick-pocketing other people. Like, as a career. And they are good at it too, employing kids to do it, women, old folks....you really can't trust anyone at all.

Finally for the good stuff: The women in shanghai are hot. They are all gold diggers, most likely dirty, and don't speak a word of english...but they are tall, thin and pretty. I mean, if you like that sort of look. No one would believe me if i said i didn't talk to any of them, but like my boy dennis continously claims....abstinence is key. No shanghai STDs for a.Lo. But thank you for offering. (No, seriously, they OFFER. and it's for FREE!) Did make some new friends tho, girls AND guys (i swear) that are international from USA and Canada, so it was worth it.

So that was christmas in Asia. Will write about the new years party last nite soon, but it's 3pm and finally time to get out of bed.

Return to the Motherland

2004-09-01T10:57:00.000-05:00

More than 25 years ago, tired of dirty streets, mutant cockroaches and Chinese people with British accents, a young couple escaped across the Pacific Ocean to a land only known as "More White People Than You've Ever Imagined". The locals called it "Canada".

Life was hard in the beginning, being tired, poor and fobby. But very soon, the couple and their people adapted and the number of black hairs began to multiply. And multiply. And multiply. A new sub-culture was formed with the new generations growing up confused, lost and taller than all their relatives. "Are we white?" they wondered at school. "Are we chinese?" they asked at home. "What part of the animal is that?" they demanded at dinner.

One such child was the son of our young couple, not so young anymore. "Why can I speak this strange language," he asked himself each and every night, "Yet I can't stop thinking about white girls?" Frustrated, fed up and urged by friends to talk to more asian girls, he made a decision. His decison would answer all these questions, and more. His decision would change the next year of his life like nothing ever has before. His decision would separate him from white girls for a painfully long time. Welcome to his decision.

a.Lo has returned to the motherland.